Identity Krysis

Is lying valuable? Does it ever end up with a happy ending for anyone? To be divested of lying, I generally tell the truth. If not right away, usually later. To someone or through something.
It’s a choice.
I made it.

I’d rather these repercussions than the alternative.

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“Do you think he ever told her?”
“He and tell who what?”
“I hate how there’s more than one story in your life that starts out like that.” She replies, somewhat comically but more exasperated, “I guess both, really. Do you think they told them?”

She leans back in the chair and looks at her friend, twisting the water glass on the wooden table, watching condensation pool. “Why would they? Why would they complicate things with them by introducing that information?” She pauses and laughs a little, “Why complicate things more, I guess.”
“Does it bother you?”
“It?”
“They’d call you up and you’d go out for a night on the town, have long drawn out conversations that simulate closeness, sleep together and then that’d be it. All the while there’s the other girl.”
“Of course it bothered me, But, to be fair, only one of them had a girlfriend. And I told him I didn’t want any part of that. Which is why, I’m sure, we’ve parted ways for real now.”
“You’ve said that before about him.”

“I’ve said a lot of things to a lot of people.”
She laughs, “Christ. That’s true.”

“I think that’s what gets me is they know me enough to know I don’t keep secrets like this very well. I see no value in secrets like these. I think the lies and deception will hurt more in the long run because the truth always comes out.”
“Because you want it to.”
“Because that’s not my role in the world. To keep other people’s secrets. They aren’t mine.” She smiles ruefully at her friend, “I can’t even keep my own.”
Evidenced by many a conversation the two have shared, her friend replies, “No. No you can’t.”
“J______ must know it. I’m sure he knows that trying to keep the fact we started sleeping together again, pretty much right when we started talking again, after three months of silence on my part, is wishful thinking. I can still envision him sitting there, on my couch, telling me he played devil’s advocate regarding me to our friend and that he was crossing into “enemy territory” to even be at my place. That was before he led to the way to my bedroom.” She shakes her head, “It’s so stupid.”

“What is it with him?”
“It’s probably because he became a challenge. There seemed to be strategy in how we’d interact. Who had the upper hand? Who gave more? To make myself feel better I just told myself that I loved him. Who would want to be part of that kind of love? Neither of us, I’m sure.” She leans forward again, “It’s funny, he told me he and his ex only talked once a week. It took me a while to realize he was using her car, while she was away, to drive to my place to sleep with me. I think I thought that if he was able to do that, that things were different. He was officially free of ties and so called ‘obligations’. But no, it was just pure gall.”
“He used her car to drive to your place and sleep with you? Her car?”
“Yup.”
“While she was away.”
“Uh huh. And he said he didn’t think telling people we were sleeping together again was a good idea. That was the second to last time I slept with him. But I’d already told all of you. So, too late for that.”
“Wait, you slept with him again?”
“To feel what it feels like to be on the other side. The one in it for just the sex. Honestly? Not worth all that other trouble.”
“Honestly, Ava? If you get involved with him again, I may actually be angry with you.”

“Good.”