Archive for category List

“Write a blog post about -that-.”

Posted by identitykrysis in List, Pieces Of Reality, Rant on August 26, 2009

Curl around this
warmth

Desire
…d

And achieved
Breath release of overflow

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I want to cement this feeling into my psyche. This completeness.

Everything wonderful happened today.

Work was great. The people were fun. I was -me-. Not shy, reserved, work me. But interactive me! I got handed an opportunity today that blew me away. I couldn’t contain my excitement. I won’t say anything just yet because… well… build up is everything.

My workout at the gym was inspired. I wanted to keep going and going. But I couldn’t because I was having dinner with the lovely Carissa. Dinner was at Cafe Barney’s. Which is my new favourite place on Main.
What. Delicious. Food.
Got chatted up by an incredibly worldly and interesting man. Chatted up in return which led to the smoothest possible number exchange ever.

Rapport rocks.

Carissa rocks. Good friends are wonderful!

Celebrated my joy at my favourite place on The Drive, where some of my favourite people happened to be there.
Arrived home to my space and my cat and my family and I told my sister how happy I am…

…and she said:

“Write a blog post about -that-.”

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Hold Fast Frenzied Breath – The Pale Translation

Posted by identitykrysis in Essay, List, Rant, Short Stories on July 13, 2009

“I’m going this way. If you wanna come along for the ride, that’s fine with me. But I’m not waiting any longer than it’s going to take to turn the key.”

Said her shadowed face and forward thinking obscurities.

This is the beginning of the page.

First rule of out door (one word) typewriting, that is…    (numbered)

  1. Check wind direction. Flapping paper is a distinct distraction.
  2. Realize that no matter what direction the wind is coming from, you are going to have to just deal with it.
  3. Tucking the paper (excess that is) down in the most convenient slot hidden behind that thing I have my paper wrapped around.

Second rule of outdoor typewriting (or any typewriting)…
.      2.   Learn the parts of a typewriter.

Third rule:
.       Learn that lists do not need to be numbered inorder to get your point….
.                                        across.

A man just walked by, probably around fifty, wearing the biggest earphones I have ever seen and commented to me, “You need to get yourself a computer.”

I laughed.

————————————————————————————————————

Good to know. Using the dash line repeatedly to create a break in the page WILL cut a long line THROUGH the page. Mental note. A typewriter can be used in leu of scissors.

Somehow using a typewriter makes one shift their language pattern into terms of old. And when I say $ ‘one’ I mean me.

.                     I always mean me.
.                                  I can’t… not.

Maybe I shouldnt find this as fun as I do. Quaint, even. I’m still getting used to using this machine. And even though I can use a computer. Any computer. I still find the transition a step in time. A change in thought patterns. But then, I guess that is not different between everything in life. We change our thought patterns in order to adjust to new ideas. New technologies. New situations. New perceptions. Just to get ahead. But what is the difference between moving f*rward and moving back, if you are still aquiring a new skill? And who’s to say that a old form of technology doesnt deserve it’s renewed time in the sun? Who’s to say that skills we once had, can’t lead us even further into the future? We evolve for certain reasons, of course. But not all of those reasons are necessarily, if I may be so bold as to say, good and justified reasons. Even individuals as well as society can be said to test the waters of our limits of self control  and exploration. Can we all really say the changes we make are for the best? That hose changes have worked for us? Or is it simply the act of change we yearn for and strive for?

.     This is becoming an essay.

.     Let’s try this…:

!  There. I did it. The three stroke combination that allows one (me) to type
… the exclaimation mark. It consists of a apostrophe, a backspace and a period.

.                                         I feel accomllished.      (damn it)
.                                                       (you kn*w,aside from the holeand all the typos)

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A Vancouver Woman’s Guide to Never Dating The Right Man

Posted by identitykrysis in List on July 3, 2009

You think I’m joking. I’m not. This bit of inspiration hit me while I was blow drying my bangs this morning (also known as the 2 minutes I have before the circuit breaker breaks or my hairdryer just decides to stop working).

It’s the beginnings of a list. A list of sad, sad honesty, in no particular order… but a list nonetheless. I envision a book deal in my near future.

  1. Women are stricken with a disease called belief and hope (otherwise known as: Fantasy). We (I) consistently believe that the next guy who seems nice, has showered recently and has a job is likely dating material.
  2. #1 is frequently a lie. There are rarely men who are good enough to be dating material. At least, they are never the men you (I) are (am) attracted to. Ignore this fact. Fall for the “bad guy”. It’s exciting to never know where you stand.
  3. Rule: The moment you inform said bad guy you are dating, that you are indeed… dating, be prepared to to find out that you are automatically not dating anymore.
  4. Don’t deny that you have a sex drive. You are a free spirit and sexual being with leather handcuffs and a leather miniskirt carefully tucked away for the perfect moment. You like sex and want to have it because sex leads to non-dating type relationships. And confusion. You love confusion.
  5. Sleep with ex-boyfriends. Preferably more than one (bonus points if it’s within the same month). The previous closeness is a fog that hides both yours and their glaring faults and why you never worked out before. It’s a beautiful thing. Cherish this.
  6. When a guy says: “You’re too good for me.” He’s right. Every. Time. Laugh it off.
  7. If you’ve had sex within the last three days and he says: “You should meet my girlfriend. You’d understand.” Actually consider it.
  8. When they say: “I don’t know.” They know. They just want to sleep with you again. If they were good, sleep with them again.
  9. 2am drunk phone calls are clearly adorable. Especially when they fall asleep during their declaration of wanting to be with you.
  10. Tell yourself you don’t mind if they smoke pot every day. They are unique. Just like being fat and lazy and laughing at stupid things is unique.
  11. Always keep expensive scotch and yummy beer on hand “just in case” one of your elusive beau’s decides to wander up to your door for a visit. You just never know. No really, you never know.
  12. Drink two fingers of said scotch and tell yourself it’s okay that they like Nickelback.
  13. Everything that comes out of The Cambie is a beautiful thing. Including the date with Sandals and Socks guy.
  14. Everything that comes out of The Caprice is a beautiful thing. Including the night where one of your old high school “buddies” tries to have sex with you. It’s not gross. It’s flattering.
  15. Band guys are always hot and always perfect dating material. They are sensitive and strum guitars in your backyard without their shirts on.
  16. Keep in mind dating band guys consists of sex every six months or so (otherwise known as: whenever they happened to remember your phone number). This is completely normal.
  17. That feeling you get when you see a guy you used to sleep with but haven’t seen in a while, you know that “I’m fucked” feeling? Yea. It’s a premonition.
  18. Everything a man says when he’s drunk is 100% true and honest. He just doesn’t know it yet.
  19. Even if he vehemently denies any declarations from the previous night of wanting to live with you, love you forever and thinks you are the perfect woman… cling to those drunken truths! He just doesn’t know they’re true yet.
  20. Rule: Start every man out at 10. Take away points for every grievance until they’re at 0. Bump them back up to 10 again. Just in case.

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A Year Ago

Posted by Identity Krysis in List, Short Stories on December 24, 2008

The evening of snow and half sized Christmas trees made her think about everything about last year and this year.

Two nights prior she had stood, with holes in her last year’s boots, freezing to the core, in order to find her way to:

“Hi Avis!”

The Fringe Cafe in Kits. The bartenders knew her name already. And she didn’t even live in Kits. Stomping the snow off her boots she settled into the nearest bar stool.

“I’ll have two tequila shots please.”
The bartender with glasses obliged. She finished the two and he looked her in the eye, cocked his head to the left and smiled. “Another?”
“Indeed.”
The older man to her right noticed and commented, “Helps the chill?”
“Well I figured this was way easier than going to the nearest beer and wine which is too far away in the cold.”
“You’re probably right.”
Avis stares at the three empty shot glasses long and hard. Odd numbers had always done a number on her.

She was still waiting for the fourth to finish her completely.

The bartender offered what fourth he could. She accepted. The man beside her said he’d pay for it. She accepted easily.

Passing a twenty over the bar she soon exits with a fond farewell from all. Perhaps ringlets and red Christmas coat contributed to their ease. She flounced across the snowy streets to doors and soon felt the fret of 6am finality.

At least the end was a good one. Just like the song said.

Two days later she had paused on the platform of the Granville Skytrain Station and thought for a moment. She hadn’t had dinner last night and it was noon. She hadn’t eaten yet today. It had been so long since she’d been downtown at this time of day. So she went to her favourite downtown sushi place on Seymour and Dunsmier and was greeted warmly as usual.

Small talk to sushi lunch to finally packing up for her Christmas shopping excursion and she was stopped short by her usual server.

“Don’t go yet. We have a Christmas treat for you!”

Free Seared Ahi Tuna Salad.

She tries to tip. He gives her excess money back.
“No no, too much tip.”

Perhaps being a creature of habit wasn’t such a bad thing.

So she thought about the last year and where she was a year ago…

  1. She had given up her managerial position at Front in favour of focusing on her degree in English.
  2. She rediscovered that she loved to write.
  3. She had met J2 (Banjo Man) And J3 (The Intellectual One). Both had been ridiculously complicated and only J3 was a fruitful endeavor in his own way.
  4. She had met R2 (The Only Child Actor) and started dating him.
  5. R2 had sat on her couch and given her the 50’s style pink dress she had coveted. And she hadn’t realized how that would foreshadow the later occurrences.
  6. She was gearing up for a roadtrip with R2 to San Francisco and was about to rediscover her inner submissive (which would later turn into her inner dominatrix).
  7. She had discovered Sufjan Stevens and was still listening to him to this very day.
  8. At 24 she was sure she’d be married one day and now at late 25 she questioned if that’s what she really wanted at all.

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