Archive for category Essay

This Is The Beginning of The Second Page

Posted by identitykrysis in Essay, Rant on July 15, 2009

.       Apparently smoking can make you impotent. I wonder if that’s what was wrong.

Maybe we’ll just have to see…

.       The beautiful thing about typewriting, is it’s all based on how much strength you put behind the letters you type. The force and intent with each stroke. I lifted the past page of typing to the sky and could see throught the periods. Either I’m being too forceful, 6r periods are that important. They found their way through the mesh of dead trees, blanced to look white. Nothing is as strong as a period.

.       I wonder if that’s why the menstrual cycle, or the climax of it, is call the period. Because it epit*mises the end of &&&&& the cycle. Or is it the vision of it. This is becoming far too graphic for my masculine side. Yes I have one. We have an aspect of the femini
(let’s try that word again) …feminine and masculine. Mine is centered in the aggression I feel. If we’re going to keep the gender stereotypes alive. But then, we could also say we’re just a mess of one gender. And these aspe ts just showcawe different parts of the spectrum. And gender specific doe nt’t mean anything.

.       Are we all just unisex? Sure there are those iwth pensis*, and there are those with vaginas. But the personality aspects are universal. I am a woman because I learned to be one. I am female because I am one. But our leaned aspects are not unchangable, are they? Or should I say, those learned aspetts ARE changeable. Whichs is what makes us the easily manipulated beings that we are. Because we are manipulated. So why can’t we manipulate oursel9es? We can. We do. We make life decisions that means we are different peoppe. Maybe not inherently. But surface changes. Thought changes. I keep coming back to changing. Change is important. Otherwise we are left with typeing on the typewrit
_er forever. Or not evengetting to the stage of typewriting at all.

.        I’m gettingaway with myself. I need to remember to press the space key. It helps with our understanding.

.                                                 The Space Key.
.                                                 That long bar at the bottom of all keys.

The fact it’s so long speaks to how important it is. Because not only does one hand use it, but both do. (or, you’re supposed to) ..(do as I say, not as I do)

.        I think I am amazed at how easily it is to fillx up a page it is. Oh man my grammar tends to suck on this thing. But I get really into typeing on it. It is. It. I am a machine that wants to work faster than need me. We all work faster than we need to. The evoltuion of the world has been profound. The human existence.

.        I’m doing it again. This is not an essay. This is life.

And soon, it will betime to go. This is also going to speak to the end of a thought process. So why can’t I just sit up andwalk away from a situation much like I can sit up and walk away from this typewriter? Why cant’t we all just leave thepast behind? Is this my leason? I have reverted to type because I yearn for thepast? Just as I suspected. I am reverting to some thing old. Or are we all just lookingfor t e surffce behind thethings we do?

.        My surface meaning:

Is located always, spcifically….at the end of the page. Andfrequently m ispelled.

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Hold Fast Frenzied Breath – The Pale Translation

Posted by identitykrysis in Essay, List, Rant, Short Stories on July 13, 2009

“I’m going this way. If you wanna come along for the ride, that’s fine with me. But I’m not waiting any longer than it’s going to take to turn the key.”

Said her shadowed face and forward thinking obscurities.

This is the beginning of the page.

First rule of out door (one word) typewriting, that is…    (numbered)

  1. Check wind direction. Flapping paper is a distinct distraction.
  2. Realize that no matter what direction the wind is coming from, you are going to have to just deal with it.
  3. Tucking the paper (excess that is) down in the most convenient slot hidden behind that thing I have my paper wrapped around.

Second rule of outdoor typewriting (or any typewriting)…
.      2.   Learn the parts of a typewriter.

Third rule:
.       Learn that lists do not need to be numbered inorder to get your point….
.                                        across.

A man just walked by, probably around fifty, wearing the biggest earphones I have ever seen and commented to me, “You need to get yourself a computer.”

I laughed.

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Good to know. Using the dash line repeatedly to create a break in the page WILL cut a long line THROUGH the page. Mental note. A typewriter can be used in leu of scissors.

Somehow using a typewriter makes one shift their language pattern into terms of old. And when I say $ ‘one’ I mean me.

.                     I always mean me.
.                                  I can’t… not.

Maybe I shouldnt find this as fun as I do. Quaint, even. I’m still getting used to using this machine. And even though I can use a computer. Any computer. I still find the transition a step in time. A change in thought patterns. But then, I guess that is not different between everything in life. We change our thought patterns in order to adjust to new ideas. New technologies. New situations. New perceptions. Just to get ahead. But what is the difference between moving f*rward and moving back, if you are still aquiring a new skill? And who’s to say that a old form of technology doesnt deserve it’s renewed time in the sun? Who’s to say that skills we once had, can’t lead us even further into the future? We evolve for certain reasons, of course. But not all of those reasons are necessarily, if I may be so bold as to say, good and justified reasons. Even individuals as well as society can be said to test the waters of our limits of self control  and exploration. Can we all really say the changes we make are for the best? That hose changes have worked for us? Or is it simply the act of change we yearn for and strive for?

.     This is becoming an essay.

.     Let’s try this…:

!  There. I did it. The three stroke combination that allows one (me) to type
… the exclaimation mark. It consists of a apostrophe, a backspace and a period.

.                                         I feel accomllished.      (damn it)
.                                                       (you kn*w,aside from the holeand all the typos)

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The No No Nos – Comment & Response

Posted by identitykrysis in Essay on June 11, 2009

I received a response to my previous story, titled: The No No Nos, and have since composed a reply. Upon completion I felt like the two deserved their own entry.
First, I give you Gregg’s comment:
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Gregg

June 10, 2009 at 8:55 pm |

Another splendidly written article although it should have titled ‘Mixed Massages’.

There’s absolutely nothing “no” about the lead character being drunk, nude and making out in a hot tub at 4 in the morning. Nothing.

Unfortunately,my dear. we are not what we say we are what we do.

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And now my response:

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Gregg: Thank you for the compliment. Though I’m sure you meant: “Mixed Messages”.

The issue I have with your response is the gender disparity. You focus on Ava’s responsibility in the encounter and negate Cam’s. Your viewpoint highlights the problem society has with gender equality and the alarming inconsistencies between what is okay for a guy and what is okay for a girl. Especially in sexual situations.

Furthermore: Your comments highlight that it is a woman’s burden to ensure that they don’t get sexually assaulted. That they shouldn’t do certain things (drink or be alone with someone) unless they’re prepared to have sex with them. That, to me, is shocking.

I would argue that there is a considerable amount of “No” to Ava’s bahaviour. Whatever occurred before she became upset about a past situation OR before her saying “No” (three times) is irrelevant. Your argument is akin to: “Did you see how short her skirt was? She was clearly asking for it.” If there was consent (by means of what you term “mixed messages”): Then when is consent irrevocable? IF Ava had consented to sex, does that mean she could never change her mind having already given that consent? Of course not. Additionally, being naked around a man does not mean sex is obvious. If that was so: Wreck Beach would be a far scarier place.

Nakedness does not sex a guarantee make.

If what you say is true, that is: “we are not what we say we are what we do”, then Ava wouldn’t have pushed him off because according to you, her actions showed that she wanted to sleep with him. However, there is an abundance of evidence from the story where her actions show she did not want to sleep with him. Not only on this occasion, but occasions previously, ie: “Cam holds her, “This makes so much sense now why you kept saying no.””. She’s obviously stopped sex occurring with him before.

Now let’s focus on the male character’s behaviour. You question her drinking, but what about, as Jaclyn Friedman writes in her article, “getting the word out to men that alcohol is likely to impair their ability to respond appropriately if a sexual partner says “no.”"? (Read her article here: Drinking and Rape: The Rest of the Story.  She also edited Yes means Yes with Jessica Valenti, a collection of essays on this topic).

What do his actions say about him? He’s also been drinking a lot. Next he’s having sex with someone who’s clearly very drunk AFTER having a conversation about her saying no to him on previous occasions AND agreeing they don’t need to do anything she doesn’t want to AND THEN not listening when she actually says no?

The reality is the majority of sexual assaults happen with people you know. People you trust/ed. Meaning women and men out there trust that the person they are with will not violate them. This is true no matter what’s going on, be that wild drunkenness or nakedness. The character, Ava, expressed “no” previously and obviously felt like that was enough. Because that is enough. Even if she’s star-fish naked and drunk, that doesn’t mean she’s sending mixed messages. That means she’s messed up.

Nothing less than enthusiastic consent should be the norm. But it isn’t. And even after giving that enthusiastic consent, saying NO is always 100% okay.

What if Ava hadn’t pushed him off of her? What if she couldn’t? Would your response to the story be the same? I wonder if it is simply the degree of violation that occurred which, to you, makes her actions mean “Yes”, when she had consistently said “No”.

No man has a right to a woman’s body no matter what the situation.

As you can tell, I have a fair amount to say on the topic.

I welcome yours or anyone’s response.

- Identity Krysis / Alice K.

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